An Homage & Call to Women In The 21st Century

By 

Confession: I am a reformed sexist.

For a long time I held the view that on average, women are not as capable as men. This view was based on my experience; it was what I saw around me. So many vapid women with as much substance as the reality TV stars they watched each night. But a relatively recent realization brought this view crashing to the ground: possession of two X chromosomes does not render a person less capable, but our culture does an excellent job of it.

Last year I was conversing with a gender issues expert who opened my eyes to the world from a woman’s perspective. She explained what is was like to be constantly objectified, to be treated differently because you are a woman, and what is was like to grow up with different expectations and values thanks to cultural conditioning.

This realization led me down the rabbit hole of gender (in)equality. Suddenly evidence of the ‘oversexification’ and devaluing of women was everywhere. It became no wonder so many of my female peers acted this way. What was ‘normal’ became nauseating.

As a man, I know that I can never fully comprehend this reality, but I wish to share as much as I can grasp to you, here and now.

A False Sense of Gender Equality

I’ll start off by letting Google do the talking about the cultural consensus on men and women:

Shocked? I wasn’t.

The first thing that needs to be understood is the importance of role models in a young person’s life. The most primary role models are, of course, immediate family, but beyond that lie popular culture icons. Books, TV and movies provide bigger-than-life characters whom we consciously and unconsciously mirror.

Men need not look very far to find an abundance of strong role models. Female role models of the same caliber, however, are few and far between. Most prominent female figures are worshiped for their looks, not their character or accomplishments. Even those women revered for their achievements have a strange knack for being very easy on the eyes.

Consider the plot of the vast majority of Hollywood films produced today. The male protagonist is the superhero, the brilliant writer, the CEO, the President, the secret agent. Meanwhile the female protagonist more often that not serves as eye-candy for the audience and the prize needing to be rescued for the male hero.

What This Means

The implications of this divide are ubiquitous.

Women have equally few leadership roles in the real world. As of 2011, women made up only 9 of 190 heads of state, 13% of parliamentary positions and 15% of top-level business positions internationally.

To make matters worse, we subconsciously harbor antagonism towards strong women. A recent Stanford study presented students with the biography of a successful Silicon valley investor. 50% of students were told the investor’s name was Heidi, and 50% were told it was Howard.

The results showed that students were much harsher on Heidi than on Howard across the board. Although they think she’s just as competent and effective as Howard, they don’t like her, they wouldn’t hire her, and they wouldn’t want to work with her. As gender researchers would predict, this seems to be driven by how much they disliked Heidi’s aggressive personality. The more assertive they thought Heidi was, the more harshly they judged her (but the same was not true for those who rated Howard).

Women are even lacking a voice in the media. The following infographic shows how little major news channels value the opinion of women, even concerning women’s issues:

But Things Are Changing…

Women’s rights and empowerment have certainly come a long way in the past century. The evidence is everywhere, even in the plots of Disney movies…

 

If you want to see this big jump firsthand, watch the trailer for Snow White (For Christ’s sake, the entire plot hinges on the line, ‘Mirror, mirror on the wall, whose the fairest one of all?’) followed by the trailer for Brave.

To the Women of the World…

You are doing a fantastic job of living out your potential in spite of this bullshit. Our culture has told you that you are ‘equal’ while slamming you from every direction with reason to believe that you are not.

But the world needs more from you now than ever. Centuries of patriarchal domination has left this world on the brink of destruction. At the very least we need a balance between the masculine and the feminine.

To my (and Layar’s) opinion, modern leadership has a lot of feminine elements. It is not so much about power, control, top-down thinking and ego, but much more about inclusiveness, intuition, the will to move ahead, looking for win-win (for both parties) rather than ‘I win, you lose’.

Claire Boonstra

So my message to you is, KEEP GOING!!! Men don’t like to admit they need directions, let alone a surge in feminine leadership, so don’t look to us for to call for change. Be that change.

If we have the courage to accept that our current crises afford us the opportunity to do things differently, if we recognize the value of women’s leadership power and enlist women as partners in the redesign and reconstruction of broken systems, we can activate a global reset that accrues to the benefit of our shared global community.

Alyse Nelson

I’m not a woman, so I feel somewhat strange handing out advice here. However I do feel these steps would be helpful in overcoming the social conditioning already discussed:

1) Become aware and share

The first step to any change is become aware of the need for it. Beyond reading this article, look out for evidence of this epidemic in TV, movies, and your real life interactions with both men and women. Go a step further and share this realization with those around you.

2) Drop unhealthy role models and adopt new ones

Stop taking in media that gives the spotlight to poor role models. Instead, spend that building up what should have always been yours: a healthy sense of self-worth. Watch TED talks from badass women, research those who are pioneers in their fields. Do anything and everything find new role models to emulate.

3) Stand up in situations where gender inequality is occurring

This one goes without saying. Be a beacon of the change you wish to see in the world. Don’t be afraid to be vocal with friends, family and strangers. Awareness starts with you.

4) Figure out what you can do to help the world

Think about what you can do for others as a strong woman. What issues could benefit from your feminine touch? The world needs you now more than ever.

To The Men of the World…

This issue goes both ways. We are taught from day one what it is to be masculine, and how women should be viewed and treated. Thus we must play an equal role in reversing that conditioning.

1) Take a walk in someone else’s high-heels (metaphorically!)

Read #2 of this experiment in empathy.

2) Be Conscious of Your Interactions with Women

Notice the subtleties of the way you talk and treat women, while also noticing how they interact with you. If you see something you don’t agree with, be vocal about it — whether it’s your action or that of a female friend. Call attention to the bullshit.

3) Become a Loud Advocate for Women

Other men are far more likely to take your words into consideration than a woman’s. Make feminism cool. One thing is for sure: this certainly won’t hurt your chances with the ladies.

In Conclusion…

Thank you for reading this article. This is not an easy topic to broach for men or women because it calls into question so many basic assumptions. You’re awesome just for considering it, let alone following the steps laid out above. Keep fighting the good fight 🙂 Much love.

 

[Source: High Existence]
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Here’s Some Dudes Who Think Women Are Human Beings

sethmeyers

“When you work with the sort of really strong women that I work with, the idea that anyone would want to make decisions for them is hard to wrap your head around.”

-Seth Meyers

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“I was raised by my mom, I have a little sister, and I’m constantly annoyed [by] how terribly written most females are in most everything — and especially in comedy. Their anatomy seems to be the only defining aspect of their character, and I just find that untruthful and it straight-up offends me. A lot of the strongest people I know are chicks. And as a viewer, I get a kick out of watching real characters. So I take it upon myself to clean that shit up and write actual women. And I like writing strong women, because as a straight male, there’s nothing more attractive to me than a strong girl.”

-Jay Baruchel

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“Men ruled the roost and women played a subservient role [in the 1960s]. Working wives were a rarity, because their place was in the home, bringing up the kids. The women who did work were treated as second class citizens, because it was a male-dominated society. That was a fact of life then. But it wouldn’t be tolerated today, and that’s quite right in my book … People look back on those days through a thick veil of nostalgia, but life was hard if you were anything other than a rich, powerful, white male.”

-Jon Hamm

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“If I had a bucket list, I’d say raising my four girls to be strong, good women would be No. 1.”

-Matt Damon

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(On Blue Valentine’s rating) “The MPAA is okay supporting scenes that portray women in scenarios of sexual torture and violence for entertainment purposes, but they are trying to force us to look away from a scene that shows a woman in a sexual scenario, which is both complicit and complex. It’s misogynistic in nature to try and control a woman’s sexual presentation of self. I consider this an issue that is bigger than this film.” 

-Ryan Gosling

Keep Ya Head Up

Tupac was ahead of his time for sure.

“You know it makes me unhappy
When brothas make babies, and leave a young mother to be a pappy
And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it’s time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don’t we’ll have a race of babies
That will hate the ladies, that make the babies
And since a man can’t make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one
So will the real men get up
I know you’re fed up ladies, but keep your head up”

A Conversation Between Two Men

The following is a conversation between two men. The first calls out feminists for being being “ridiculously aggressive” and hurting his feelings. The second responds the way any man who supports feminism, and women in general, should respond:

“I’ll be brief.

We want to understand. We want equality. So you need to stop being such a raging fucking asshole whenever we try and talk about the subject. We’re going to get it wrong at first and you need to understand this because your ridiculously aggressive knee-jerk reactions to every little mistake we make is making us too scared to even bring it up.

Calm the fuck down. We’re trying.

– a man”

“Dear Man,

This post was originally signed off, ‘Thomas Ridgewell (a man, trying to understand)’. So:

Dear Thomas Ridgewell who is trying to understand,

Thank you for being brief.

Maybe it takes a man to tell you this, because of the very reason I’m about to go over with you.

(And if you are really trying to understand, then you’ll listen to me, because it really is a basic concept.)

The onus is on you, Thomas Ridgewell, who is trying to understand.

You and me are agents of the patriarchy, which is a department – if you like – of the kyriarchy, whose business it is to keep ‘the other’ down.

It is not the job of someone who is oppressed to support us on our quest to understand, or to educate us, or listen to us, or even to be polite to us.

They owe us no favors, they are not beholden to us in any way.

If they’re angry it’s because they’re oppressed. And us men, however unwittingly, are agents of their oppression.

To be a good ally, we have to know our place. Because the people we represent have been deciding others’ places for a long time.

Your post has tone policing written all over it.

From a cisman’s point of view, there is no such thing as a feminist who is too angry. There’s no feminist who ruins it for the rest, as far as you’re concerned, it’s not your place to judge. And it’s definitely not your place to say it.

If you want to understand, try to understand.

You’re too scared to bring up feminism?

There are women who are scared to go into a club, or walk home at night, or leave the house because they get catcalled or grabbed or worse. There are women who are made to feel like everything was their mistake, because they shouldn’t have been out that late, or should have dressed less provocatively. And your feelings are hurt because sometimes you’re scared to bring it up.

There’s nothing tackier than two privileged men talking about feminism, so I’ll stop, and I’ll take this down if any feminist objects to it. I guess your post just rubbed me the wrong way.

Fuck men who think they can wade into feminism with their rights intact.

Yours sincerely,

Another man who is trying to understand.”